For some, Black Friday is a shopping idyll
Where you can buy everything that you ‘need’
When the whole world turns into a Lidl
And we follow like dogs on a lead

Every advert tells us: “slashed prices”
Every promise: “save 80 percent”
You can go get an asbo in ASDA
Queues form early – you may need a tent

You can fight over TVs in Tesco
Maraud for mascara in Boots
Or if you’re a bit more upmarket
Go to Harrods and fight over suits

You can head out to Next as the dawn breaks
Shout at strangers “that tank top is MINE!”
Park your car like it’s just been abandoned
Say a prayer that you don’t get a fine

Or give all your money to Amazon
And have the stuff sent your house
You can shed your entire month’s salary
With one little click of a mouse

These bargains won’t be there tomorrow
These deals, they will not exist
These items, they won’t buy themselves you know
But this shopping tale comes with a twist

You know when Black Friday is over
When your cupboards are bulging with stuff
When you think “yep, that’s Christmas sorted
I’m certain that I’ve bought enough”

There’ll be an email in your inbox
A pop-up that will make you wail
And anĀ ad on the TV announcing
“Good news people – we’re having a sale!


Like this? Why not book me to perform. Or you can order a hard copy of my poetry book ‘I Need a Wife’ by emailing me at toni@tonikent.co.uk . Or, if you want to get digital, download a copy from Amazon.

Check out my next performances here.

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