I discovered yesterday that this month is not only ‘Veganuary‘, ‘Dry January‘ and ‘Tryanuary‘ it’s also ‘Januhairy‘. Being claimed by women who want to challenge expectations that they should be hairless from the neck down, it reminded me of a dilemma that many of us women face and how our brothers don’t seem to come under quite the same scrutiny – something I captured in a poem called ‘Bush Issues’.
Wear yours however you like, I won’t judge. Just don’t tell me how to wear mine….
Bush Issues
You know how it is when you want to go for a swim
You look down below….and the bush, well it needs a trim
You think to yourself, would this look ok?
If I stuffed it all in, or would hair start to stray
From the minute I set a foot into the pool
If I put on some board shorts, do you think I could fool
People into thinking I was a surf chick?
I could have a quick shave, but then I might nick
That delicate skin and come out in a rash
And I’d rather have hair than spots round my gash
If I pulled down the front, do you think it might hide
My topiary? But if I go down the slide
It might ride up and show, I’m too busy relaxing
Than to spend my time plucking and tweezering and waxing
And then I see blokes with big hairy guts
All covered in pubes from their throats to their nuts
Who don’t need to be shaved, but when it comes to my bits
They must be so carefully managed and it’s….
Very unfair and a little bit weird
That my foof must be manicured, but not a man’s beard
The filter gets clogged up with the hair from their backs
The pool would be cleaner if men all got waxed.
Featured in my book – ‘I Need a Wife’, I performed Bush Issues at the ARISE2020 Summit and would like to thank the audience and fellow presenters for their good humour – especially the gentleman who went on after me who said, “As a bearded man, I’m not sure how I can follow that.”
Want to inject some humour into your next summit or kick off? Book me to perform by emailing me at toni@tonikent.co.uk.