Would you ever celebrate the fact that you once smashed up a restaurant?
Turns out that if you’ve got the money (honey), this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do!
High / low – closer than you might think…?
In today’s episode of the podcast (see embedded episode at the bottom of this post), I’m mulling on the belief that those at the very top of the UK class system can have more in common with working-class people than they do with those in the middle. If you’re looking for a ‘proper’ writer on this, you might want to check out the book Watching the English by anthropologist Kate Fox. But if you want a quick flick through my observations; read on…
Just like ‘The F***ing Fulfords’
If you’ve ever watched the show ‘The F***ing Fulfords‘ you’ll see a festival of swearing, boozing, money worries and an incredibly lax attitude to both parenting children and disciplining dogs. The children say “Eff off mummy”, open wine is left on the counters, and dogs eat off, and poo on, the floor. They are a chaotic family living on an estate with hand-me-down furniture. That is to say a 3,000 acre estate where the furniture is antique.
And if you grew up where I did, on a council estate, you’ll have seen much the same in some families (including my own). Just without the inherited titles, acres of land and Chippendale chairs.
Of course I don’t think every old-money household, or families living in social housing subscribe to the lifestyles that I have described, and I absolutely KNOW that you can’t say families with inherited wealth are the same as those without a safety net. What I’ve noticed is a marked commonality in some areas – chiefly that people are not as massively uptight as some of the middle classes.
My take on this is that it’s in these spaces (assuming that is your family heritage) that people feel entirely at home. The social cues are clear. No-one’s pretending to be anything they’re not and no-one gives a flying f— what anyone else thinks.
The socially-mobile middle
Contrast this with my experience of social mobility, where I began to move in spaces that were culturally alien to me and it’s no wonder that people tie themselves up in knots. There are rules to be observed, pastimes to participate in, language to learn. It starts to feel awkward to be around your family and your colleagues when you realise that what you’re bringing to the table is outside of the ‘accepted’ norm.
And this goes both ways too. If you’ve ever heard me speak about walking that tightrope where my son is chastised by my family for saying “cutlery” and I incorrectly describe an art gallery’s catalogue as a “book”, you’ll know why some people have absolutely no interest in moving beyond where they feel most comfortable.
Fight club
Recording the podcast prompted me to remember being in someone’s home where they’d framed a letter from an expensive restaurant. It detailed the fact that an entire party had been barred and fined after an evening got out of hand. It was all very Bullingdon Club in nature (check out the classic ‘Dave and Boris’ photo here) and notable for the fact that – if you have lots of money – it appears to be totally alright to have ‘hi-jinks’ which result in a fine and a stern letter. Conversely, if you don’t have money you’re going to end up in the courts section of your local Gazette.
Many’s the time growing up where I was worried about what the outcome of a night out would be. When mummy or daddy isn’t able to smooth those ‘hi-jinks’ over with an impressive reference or a wad of cash, you’re more likely to be heavily punished for your behaviour.
Making fun of how far you’ve come
Happily, today, I’ve made a number of friends with similar experiences to my own. And whilst we occupy parts of the same middle-class bubble, we’ve never let our ‘rough’ edges be entirely smoothed off. It is a comfort to know there’s someone else you can wax lyrical with about the joy of shouting “FIX!!!” at a meat raffle; make fun of what some people get het up about, and joke about how far you’ve come. Maybe that last point seems counterintuitive but we know what happens if you take yourself too seriously – you’re going to get a pretty sharp reminder of where you’re actually from.
Want to listen to a little bit more?
The podcast goes into a bit more detail on what I think on the above, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you click the episode below, you’ll also hear me talk about:
- A fight at a taxi rank
- What constitutes ‘exhausting’
- How it feels when you’re unsure how to behave
- Saying bye-bye to getting blackout drunk
- Why Polo Doesn’t Pay
Book me to speak
Playing with the ‘high/low’ aspect of social mobility and the UK class system is a speciality for me. Check out my showreel below, and if you like what you see why not book me to speak?
