In my quest to record what it’s like to be a ’49er’, I recently asked listeners of the podcast “what questions did you ask yourself as you approach(ed) 50?” . The responses have been illuminating, thought-provoking, funny and bittersweet.
The 49er and what women want
If you want to skip straight to hearing me talk about what the listeners had to share, then tune in via the embedded links at the bottom of this post. And if not; read on, dear reader, read on….
1. Wiping the slate clean
For lots of us, there is this sense of wanting to clear the decks – whether that’s rotating our wardrobe via Vinted or finally chucking out the baby clothes / endless tat / 395 mismatching Tupperware pots that you somehow accumulated and allowed to turn orange in the dishwasher.
There’s also the small matter of thinking about our relationships. As one listener so succinctly put it: “Family/friends are worth investing in – IF they are good for you”. That ‘if’ is a powerful word that bears repeating.
Over the past few years I’ve seen couples call time on their marriages and some public reinventions involving Instagram and not many clothes(!). I’ve seen friendships naturally run their course and connections rekindled.
Some of us face up to things with help from therapy or seek coaches to help them navigate bumps in the road. Some people (like me) do both!
Rather than seeing 50 as a peak after which we decline, I think of this milestone as the resting point on the way to the top – if we’ve been carrying a heavy load for years then what better time to let it go?
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.”
―
2. Creating a vision of what’s to come
With the idea of a slightly clearer slate (or at the very least, clearer cupboards), there was a real sense of people creating a clear idea of what they want to happen next. And, regardless of the differences in the specifics of people’s desired outcomes, most had the following three things in common:
- Positive relationships
- Good health
- Financial stability (if not freedom)
This emphasis on creating a vision reminded me of what’s happening with my teenage children – whereas they are pushed into making a choice by virtue of the education system (and us telling them to make their minds up!), the 49er could do with a gentle reminder that now is the time to think about what we want. Given by this point many of us have delivered decades of service to our families and employers it’s about bloody time too!
3. Not giving a shit
There was also a very strong theme of the need to not give a shit. Or rather, to make sure you give a shit about the right things. In today’s episode of the podcast I reflect on my own experiences of worrying so much about what other people think or want to hear that it’s put me in difficult positions and created stress that has undermined my own sense of self.
This is something that gets baked in very early in life (and if you want to listen to a great podcast on overcoming being a ‘people pleaser’, check out Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue) Having others remind you that, as long as you’re not hurting others, you’re much better off being yourself is a very positive thing!
4. Recommendations from other women
There were lots of messages along the lines of:
- “How can I sleep better?”
- “When will these night sweats stop?”
- “Why is everything aching?”
- “What’s your opinions on HRT?”
As someone who is allergic to any form of celebrity-endorsement (I remember Sam Fox and the whole Bai-Lin tea scandal) I’m going to take my advice from my friends please and thank you. There is nothing like someone who actually has your best interests at heart to make you a recommendation based on what’s worked for them. I’m not knocking at HRT’s door just yet, but as and when I do I’m going to be one hell of a prepped woman 😀
5. Not disappearing any time soon!
A quote from one friend (look, I moved phones and lost my WhatsApps so am relying on memory…) was along the lines of “I REFUSE TO GET OLD QUIETLY!”. And I bloody love it. If I think about how groups of middle-aged women are portrayed, it is very rarely in a good light. We are a ‘coven’ or “having a broomstick meeting”. I think the people who say those kinds of things feel threatened or left out.
Going through the process of asking people who have reached, or are approaching, their 50s was a brilliant lesson in harnessing that essence of who were are, and making it all the more brighter. Here’s to shining on!
Book me to speak
Like where I’m coming from? Why not book me to speak at, or host, your next event? With hundreds of performances for women’s networks and social mobility networks within corporates as well as the ability to throw some stand-up experience in there too, I promise your audience will have a great time 🙂
Listen to the relevant podcast episodes
The episodes from 2nd and 3rd November speak specifically to what women want as they get to 50 – tune in below 🙂
The 49er – November 2nd
The 49er – November 3rd
